Hazy Sky
by absurd bella04
Summary: It was one of those moments that I wished with all that I had left that I would and could wake up from this nightmare of what my life had become. I was not the sole survivor of my family. They were not dead.  So it wasa dream right? oh how wrong i was...
1. Chapter 1

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**PLEASE READ!!! **

**Ok guys... so this isn't exactly a Bella and Edward story, though they will be in it later on, they are not the main characters. So just to let everyone know, and hopefully you guys like what you read, so please please please review to let me know what you think. It means the world to me, seriously, it makes me happy and want to write more and then there are more chapters, understand? Ok thanks, and enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything of those characters, but I do own Liz, David, Rea, and Lauren :)**

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I stepped out of the car and head toward the site of the burial. As I entered the area the sound hushed and I looked around me, everyone was looking at me with somber eyes that help nothing but pity and sadness. Many of the people I did not know, distant friends I'm sure and relatives I had yet to hear of. I went to the front row and took the first seat, the one for immediate family, one seat would be enough cause I was the only one left.

As I sat down the memories came so fast, I wasn't ready for them. I remembered their faces, the voices, emotions, all at once. I shut my eyes as to try to erase what I was seeing, what I was feeling, trying not to remember, today of all days, of what had exactly happened, I just wanted to put my family to rest. Because that in itself was going to bring enough pain as it was, I didn't need anything else. The bells rang to signal the ceremony was going to start, and I started to panic, and felt my eyes starting to already fill with tears. It couldn't be starting, because that would mean that it was actually true.

It was one of those moments that I wished with all that I had left that I would and could wake up from this nightmare of what my life had become. The tears were coming fast now, pouring down my checks, surly ruining my make-up. My body started to convulse with my silent sobs as I tried to comprehend what my life had come to. I hunched over in the chair, resting my elbows on my knees, staring at the ground, tears rolling down my flushed cheeks, trying to for the umpteenth time to understand it all. But nothing came because to me none of this could be true. I was not the sole survivor of my family. I was not going to bury them today. They were not dead.

So it was all a dream right?


	2. Chapter 2

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP crash

Opps… I lifted my head of my pillow to see my alarm clock on the other side of the room, cracked in half laying against my dresser. Number 6. The 6th clock I've broken this year, a record for sure, cause past years I would have already been in double digits considering it was almost summer, May 21st in fact, just 3 more weeks of school and then it was summer. Then one more year then I was out of the house and off into the "real world" to fend for myself. I wasn't scared, I was pumped I just couldn't wait to get out of my house and live my own life. Many believe my life to be somewhat perfect, but I beg to differ. I'm smart enough for the dumb people to want to be my group partner in regular classes, but dumb enough to not be chosen for group projects in AP classes. A tween-er I call it. (a mix word of between and there) People don't think smart people can be mean, but truly they are stuck up once you try to bring up new ideas. Its like they have their own secret smart club etiquette that no one knows about but them, or maybe they're just programmed with it, who knows cause I definitely did not get that gene? So yeh, the belief of my smartness not only is with my peers but with my parents as well. They are the ones who have raised me, throwing me into every honors or AP class there ever was. Believing that the smartness that they believed I had, would bring home straight A's on my report card, as what happened with Grace, my sister. So since that worked they must of thought they should just repeat steps 1 through 7 for me. However, I didn't turn out like Grace the pleaser, I turned out like me of course. Liz the disappointer.

Arg… I hated thinking about my life, it bugged me. So I threw of the covers of my bed and headed for my bathroom and turned on my shower, making it just the right temperature. I showered fast like always, humming the first song that came to mind, which was "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys, gosh I loved this song. I jumped out after about 5 minutes and dried of, wrapping myself in my towel. I went back into my room and turned on my iPod player and turned it to Alicia Keys so I could actually sing without reminding myself of how bad I sounded. I looked in my closet to find something to wear. Today was suppose to be another scorcher, around the 100's, typical Southern California of course. I grabbed a white tank top and then a blue one to layer over, and a pair of tan shorts with my Rainbow flip-flops. I went to the bath room to sort out my hair. Not that I had trouble with it, it just never did anything. Always thin, flat, and dull, no volume what so ever. It was already half way dry so I decided to curl it under a bit.

My hair was of course blonde, like everyone else here in California, but mine was natural. I've always wanted to dye it to a more non popular color, but my mom refused declaring that people would die to have hair like mine, and there was no way I was changing it. So the only thing I could do was cut it, leaving me with layered shoulder length hair and side bangs, sweeping over to my left. I went to do my make up and stared at my face. I wasn't particularly pretty, but I wasn't horrendous looking. My face was a sort of long/ rectangle shape (ie: Lisa Kudrow) with blue eyes the changed from a very dark navy blue to a sea blue and got darker toward the outside. I had a typical southern California tan, but many tan lines from sports. I did my eyes, just putting eye liner on top and some mascara. It didn't look like I needed foundation, so I left that out. I finished my hair and then went out to the kitchen. Dead quite as always. My parents were already off to work and my little brother sleeping cause his school doesn't start till 8:45. I settled for cereal, like I have every other day of my life. I tried to think of the last time my mom, or at least my family had breakfast together, but I drew a blank, I don't think that we had in a very long time. It was getting close to 7 as I finished eating so I hurried up and washed my dishes and grabbed my stuff and headed out to my wonderful car. I drove a 06 white voltswagon jetta that I got for Christmas the previous year. I pulled out of my street and remembered that it was block today, meaning school didn't start till 8, (**AN: block is when you only have 3 periods a day, but each period is like 2 hours) **so I pulled a U and went to Starbucks. I ordered and sat down in a comfy chair and people watched. It was my favorite thing to do when I had time to kill. I loved making up stories of what I believed to be their lives, based on their actions. My phone vibrated and I looked to see a text from Rea, my best friend of 10 years, asking where I was cause we usually meet in the morning. I looked at the time and realized that it was 7:30 already so I headed to my car and took off toward school. I called Rea once in the parking lot to meet up with her so we could go to our first period together.

We entered 1st period, AP English Language and Comprehension, the name makes it sound harder than it is really. I recently fell in love with English as a subject, more like my teacher was the only one in my whole previous years of education had actually taught me to write and analyze pieces of literature. We ended up doing a timed write, that I thought I did pretty good on. The bell rang and we went to 3rd , we both had AP Biology together again. I ended up catching up on my sleep and missed the notes. Having 2 hour classes twice a week did not exactly help with learning considering my attention span. So i got the notes from Rea so I could copy them later. Lunch came and I was dreading to have to sit outside, and was currently debating whether or not to it was worth it to be unbearably hot but visit with friends or finish my pre-calculus homework that was due next period in the nice cool room. Always having to chose, I thought. My other best friend, David came and sat next to me and put an arm round me

"What's wrong Liz? You seem kinda down lately" as he poked my side and laughed as I flinched away. I hated when he did that, and he knew it, which made me even madder when he did it.

"Oh its nothing, just samo-samo, you know? School, school, school" I forced a smile, but he saw through it.

David was a one of a kind guy. Many thought he was plain annoying and rude, but really he just cared and was as he put it "brutally honest. " It takes awhile to see past his charade, and I was one of the only ones that had been around long enough to see him really. Most people didn't see how I could be best friends with him, but it didn't bother me. I always envied how he was honest about his opinions and voiced his thoughts without hesitation, for me it was hard to saw what I felt. I was just raised by my parents rule that whatever they said went, there was no argument, so I never voiced my opinions. Leaving me to be a quiet girl, with unanswered questions and no one to listen. David did that for me, not that Rea didn't, but we had different views on that kind of thing and I knew David would tell me if I was being dumb or not. With that, he pulled me in and gave me a side hug.

"You sure it's just school?" he said with a sly kind of smile, but I knew he was really talking about my parents.

"Yeh I'm sure it's just school" smiling to let him know that it was true, well partly.

"Alrighty then, I'll leave you be so you can do your homework, cause like always you didn't do it. I thought you were smart?" I knew he was teasing, and was just about the only one who I let tease me concerning that subject area. So I pushed him away from me, breaking our hug and turned my back to him. Childish I know, but what else was I suppose to do? He gave me a pat on the back and a later and walked out of the room. I then remembered that I didn't have to go to math after lunch cause I had Spanish, which was just as bad. So I packed up my stuff and headed out to meet my friends.

The bell rang again and I head to my Spanish III class, the one that I currently had a F in, but my parents believed I had a solid C in. Boy, were they going to be surprised at the end of the year. I shuttered trying to think of how they would react to seeing an F on my report card. I couldn't even begin to imagine what would happen. Just trying to think of what would happen brings pain. I quickly pushed that thought aside and decided to try to get something out of this class today. About 15 minutes in, I was already lost. So much for that I guess. Finally the bell rang, letting school out. I meet up with one of my other really good friends, Lauren, and walked out to our cars.

We both played sports together all year together, Cross Country, Soccer and then Track and Field. We had been on every high school team together since freshman year, every season, so we were fairly close. It was track season, and I did the 300 meter Hurdles cause of my 5'7" frame with long legs, and she did the 400 meter race. We went to our locker and changed, debating whether or not we should take a long time so we would miss the warm up or not. Of course, being the lazy bums we are, we skipped the warm up and walked down while the team was breaking into the different events. We parted and I headed off to the hurdle group. I was the best on the team, which didn't say all the much. I wasn't the fastest, but I had endurance which is key in the 300. And if any ever, ever tells you the 300 Hurdles is easy and that you should run them, do not under any circumstance believe them, because they are wrong. This race hurts, period. You're sprinting your hardest for 300 meters, and then jumping over a hurdle ever 20 feet. Not fun. Yes I know that I am completely bagging on the race that I run, so why do I do it? I don't really know, honestly. It was just expected out of me, like everything else, so I did it. It's like cross country, I'm good, but I don't enjoy it, I just kinda do it. Soccer however, I love that sport. It is what I live for. I played all my life, and most of the time feels like is the only thing I enjoy about life.

Practice was short, just practicing form and doing a speed work out. I got home around 5 and started going through the cabinets looking for something good to eat, which was unlikely, but there was always some sort of hope. My mom had recently gone on a new diet plan, which included everything to be reduced fat or no fat content, which sucked. I closed the door and headed to my room, throwing my books down and turned on my computer and hooked in my iPod. I surfed the internet, delaying the start of my homework, and soon heard my mom come home, around 6:30. She worked for the School District, meaning she is the of all the schools and teachers, knows all of them, and therefore knows about every little thing I do or don't do. On time in middle school I was going out with the kid named Drew, it was only for a few weeks, but a teacher told my mom that she say me holding hands with a boy, seriously. So yeh, my mom knows all and it sucks. Soon my dad came home and made dinner, steak as usual, and dinner was all pleasant talk about school and work. My brother and I cleared the table and washed the dishes. I went back to my room and started my homework. I didn't finish till around 11, and when I was done I packed up and turned my computer off, got ready for bed. As soon as I hit the mattress I was out and didn't wake up till the morning. I continued the rest of the week with little upset, taking a few test here and there, going to my club soccer and track practice. But it wasn't until Friday that my world was changed forever.


	3. Chapter 3

ok guys... sorry its been awhile, but hings havent been well with me, so yeh, please let me know what you think, even if its bad, i just want to know if im wasting my time or not so pretty please? ) ok, so go ahead and read, enjoy, and review!

Disclaimer: so far all charcters are mine... hehe )

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It was 6th period, the worst place to be on a Friday, especially when that 6th period is math. I had been starring at the clock for the past 10 minutes, willing it to go faster for the next 5 minutes so that we would be released from this prison. The time however wanted to be evil and just dragged on and felt even longer. I broke my trance from the clock and noticed everyone else packing up, so I promptly did the same and went over to the door to stand with Lauren.

On my way over I heard a group talking about the football game that was tonight, and which party they were going to after. I never quite understood the big deal with parties and getting so drunk that you make an ass out of yourself. I've been to a few parties, but never really felt the need to be involved again, so most of the time I stay clear of those types of situations. The football game however, would be amazing. I loved most sports, soccer's the best ever no doubt, but a high school football game on a Friday night, all decked out with school spirit, going crazy with your friends, is also pretty amazing.

So as Lauren and I walked to the parking lot, we planned where we were going to go for dinner before. We decided on a small café not far from the field, which had the most awesome turkey sandwiches ever. I got in my car and drove home, because there was no practice today and decided to take a quick nap before the game.

I woke up about 2 and a half hours later, with a start, and silently cursing myself for not setting my alarm. I had an hour to get ready and meet Lauren, Rae and David at the café so I hurried through my routine. Before leaving I scribbled down a note telling my parents what I was doing, who I was with, and when I was going to be home and then left, just barely making it to the café in time. I was wearing my "Just a Junior" red spirit shirt, with a white skirt that had black and red swirls, with red leggings, and white boots that had black paw prints all over them. **(school colors: red, white, black, and are the wildcats)**

We ordered and sat at a table outside and ate pretty quickly and just talked about summer plans. I was going to be doing summer school, taking American government and economics, my parents choice, of course, so just kill me now please. So while I was going to be stuck in a classroom, Rae was going on her houseboat for a month, which I always went with her, but of course, not this year, sucks major. Lauren was going to some to her uncle's house in the mountains for a while, and David was going to Mexico. So not only would I be stuck in a classroom, but all of my friends would be gone, leaving me no one to hang out with. Pretty pathetic, I know 3 friends gone and now im friendless, but im not that good at making friends. I am normally very quiet and shy, but when you know me, which few do, im can be me.

So we finished eating and went to the field. We sat in the "Crazy Cat" section, cause we all really got into the game, or well maybe I really got into the game, and they only cheer, but its still a blast either way. The game ended up being a total downer, we dominated the whole time, winning 42-7. So as we were walking out, I remembered that I forgot my phone while rushing out the door earlier, so I called home to tell my parents we were going to Starbucks. No one answered which didn't surprise me, my parents and brother were probably out to dinner somewhere with my sister cause she was visiting from college for the week. So I left a message and left with my friends.

We got to Starbucks, ordered and then just sat outside talking about random stuff. It started to get close to midnight and it was just Rae and I left, cause Laruen and David had to be home by 11. I hugged her goodbye and promised to meet her tomorrow to study for AP Bio, which really meant that we would just get together and watch some movie and pig out on junk food, which was fine with me, so I just smiled and laughed and got in my car and drove home.

I took my time driving home after realizing I still had time before my curfew. I rolled down the windows, felt the cool night air against my skin and sang along with the song on the radio. As I neared my house I started to feel this sense of dread, a feeling that my life was going to change. I shrugged of the thought as I turned onto my street and saw my mom's car parked in the drive way but my dad's was missing, which was strange. I parked, and went inside, leaving the porch light on. I checked that house not finding anyone; I neared the phone and saw there were some messages. I went to hit the play back button when the phone rang. I answered, and at first all I could hear was static and thought about hanging up when I heard my dad's voice on the other end.

"Liz…" his voice was scratchy and he sounded so weak,

"yeh dad" I answered, wondering why he sounded so strange.

"Elizabeth…I love…you…" he last said, and then it was silent. I sat there for a second, getting the chills and waited for him to continue, but nothing came.

"Dad…come on, talk to me, don't play this game, I know your there," I was starting to get worried, "Dad!" I yelled a bit louder, my hands started to shake, I felt a little dizzy and went to go sit down. I hung up and immediately called him back, and got no answer. I tried again and again, and he never picked up. I told myself it was nothing, just driving and didn't want to get distracted by answering the phone. But there was a voice of doubt in the back on my mind, making me doubt myself. So I decided I would try once more, then call the police, just in case, cause there was no way this was serious, right? I dialed and waited, on the fourth ring someone answered, it just wasn't my dad.

"Hello, the is Officer Charles with the Highway Patrol, who are you trying to reach?" his voice sounded guarded yet it held a note of sympathy. I just sat there trying to spit something out, but so many thoughts and questions filled my head it was to over whelming. Why was a police officer answering my dad's phone? Maybe he got pulled over, and the officer was just being cautious? But what about the earlier phone call from dad? Was that even my dad? It sounded like him, and he is the only one that calls me Elizabeth. No that was a joke. But how come it sounded so final? Tears started to fill my eyes, as my mind tried to keep that possibility from being thought about.

"Hello? Anyone there?" The officers voice brought me back to reality.

"Yes, I was trying to reach my parents, there with you right?" I got up from the chair and started to pace nervously across the kitchen floor, awaiting his answer.

"Right Miss, can I have your name, as well as your parents?" his voice seemed more sympathetic than before, but it was just my mind playing tricks on me.

"My name is Elizabeth May Clark, my parents are Michael and Lynn Clark. But why do you need to know their names if they are with you? Just ask them." I was trying to understand why this officer was keeping me on the phone, I looked at the clock and realized that my brother and sister, who was visiting from college, was with them as well. "What about my brother and sister?! They are there to right?"

"Hold on Miss, let me check," There was some muffled talking, which I heard, "daughter…Michael and Lynn…yes, two more…doesn't know yet." I started getting more nervous. I stopped pacing and leaned against the wall for support and tried to calm myself down, but it didn't quite work. When the man came back on the phone I was nearly in tears, and was desperate for some answers.

"Please, Officer just let my family go, im sure they didn't mean anything they did. My parents are good people and im sure there's a misunderstanding-"

"Miss," I was interrupted, "I sorry to have to tell you this but, your family was involved in a serious car accident and both your parents and brother have passed. However your sister is in critical condition and was sent to the hospital."

My mind went blank. All I could think was no. No there was no was that a freaking accident took my parents and my brother's life and left my sister in critical condition. No, there was no freaking way. This had to be a joke, a freaking sick joke, that some creep got the kicks out of. There was just no way that tomorrow, tonight, next week, they wouldn't be here. No, it can't be, the officers wrong. There's no way, my parents are good drivers. My mom was taking me shopping this weekend. My dad was going to take me to my soccer game tomorrow. My brother and I still had to finish our x-box 360 competition. My sister was going back to college next week. But a little voice reminded me that this was my dad cell phone, my parents are hardly ever out this late, they were gone. But there was no way, no way in the world that they were gone. I built up my courage, and tried to keep my voice calm, even though my head was whirling, and my face streaked with tears.

"Are you sure?" I asked in barley a whisper, unsure he heard but was surprised when he answered.

"Yes we are, I am very sorry for your loss. If you could please give me your address and we will come pick you up to take you to see your sister." I could tell he felt sorry for me, which just added to the pain. Oh the pain, it was ripping through me so fast and so hard, it was tough for me to breath. I gave the man my address and hung up. I felt like I was going to fall over, so I slid down from the wall that I was leaning on, and fell to the floor. I just laid there trying, curled up into a ball shaking with sobs trying wrap my mind around what happened. I wanted to call Rae and tell her what happened, but then that would mean that I would have accepted it, and I definitely wasn't at that point yet.

It felt like hours had passed, but there was a knock on the front door. I got up quick, thinking it was the rest of my family, just locked out because they forgot their key. It took a second for it to register in my mind, but then remembered that that could never happen again, they were gone. I felt the tears start again, as I started towards the door. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

I faced an officer that held a look of pity on his face, as he looked me over, in which I realized that I was still in my spirit outfit. But I really was beyond the point to care and then he asked, "Are you Elizabeth Clark?"

"Lizzy, actually" I barely got out through my sobs.

"Alright Lizzy, im here to take you to the hospital." He looked into my eyes and tried to hold my attention, but I looked away unable to deal with anything but myself right now.

"Alright, hold on a minute," I ran back to my room, changed into some comfortable sweats and a shirt. Grabbed my purse with my phone and my wallet and then as I went through the kitchen I grabbed a few granola bars. I met the officer out front, walked out to his car. There was silence between us, and was one of those awkward ones that make everyone uncomfortable. And usually there is some way to break it, but how do you break a silence with a girl who just lost more than half her family in one night, and maybe might just loose them all if her sister doesn't survive. It just doesn't happen. You can't change that fact, just like you can't change the fact that my life as I know it is gone, and now I am alone. Oh so alone.

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YEH! so now please review to let me know what you think!!! i dont care if its praise or not, i just want to know people are reading this!! ok thanks! )


	4. Chapter 4

Alrighty... here another chapter, sorry for the delay but been busy, so read, enjoy and review!!

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight...but i do own all the other characters :)

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I soon found myself sitting next to my sister and just staring at her, trying to memorize her so just in case, I would never get the chance to see her again. But it was useless, her face was covered in tiny cuts from broken glass.

She looked so pale, and so fragile, and with so many machines poking into her, didn't help. I sat there trying to remember everything that was good between us, our childhood craziness, with our dances and dress up days.

How we would go on secret missions around the neighborhood spying on the neighbors and then after getting yelled at by our mom for snooping around in other peoples yards. I looked over once again at her body, as I grabbed her hand and prayed to God that somehow she would make it out alright. The doctors said she was in a medical induced coma because of the injuries she sustained from the crash.

They also said there was only a small chance she would live through this. I felt the tears starting to come to my eyes again from thinking about losing her. But I didn't want to duel on that thought, I had to stay strong for her and most importantly myself.

I ended up staying the night by Grace's side, and feel asleep in the chair. I woke up around 5 in the morning, when the nurse came in to do her rounds. I was confused at first, not understanding where I was, but then looked down at Grace in the bed, and reality set in.

The nurse asked me to leave the room so she could check my sister, and change the wraps on her cuts. I hesitated, not wanting to leave her, afraid that she too would disappear from me as well, but the nurse kindly told me it was alright. So I reluctantly left the room in search for some food.

I found the cafeteria and got the first thing I saw, and turned around and sat at a table by a window. I robotically ate my food, not really tasting what it was, I was to numb for that. I decided that I should call Rae, so that I wouldn't be so alone. I pulled out my phone and turned it on and dialed her number. It rang a few times and I thought I was going to have to leave a message when she picked up.

"Liz...its 5 in the morning" her voice gruffy from sleeping.

"Rae," I started but then started to cry again, I just couldn't say the words to her. I didn't want it to be true, cause somewhere deep inside of me I still didn't believe it.

"Liz? What wrong? Are you ok? Why are you crying?" she started to sound a bit panicked.

"Rae…they're gone" I whispered as my sobs took me over.

"Liz, what are you talking about? Who's gone? Where are you?"

"My… my family Rae!" I cried out, "My families gone. Oh God, Oh no…" silence followed on the other end for a while as I cried and tried to pull myself together.

"Liz! Liz, you gotta listen to me. Where are you?" I could her crying to, and running around her room getting ready.

"I'm at the hospital, Grace is in a coma." I got out though my tears.

"Ok, Liz, stay there I'm coming ok? Anything you need?"

"No, I don't need anything." I answered

"ok, I will see you soon, love you"

"Thanks, love you" I hung up the phone and stared down at my plate still full of food. I threw it away, not in the mood to eat anymore and headed back to Grace's room. The nurse was done, so I went in and sat next to her again. I lost track of time, until Rae showed up at the door.

I turned to look at her, and just broke down. She rushed over and pulled me into a hug and I just hung on to her, crying my eyes out. I don't know how long we sat there, both crying, but i soon just stopped. It was to much, I just felt numb. I heard someone enter the room and say David and Lauren there. I felt a bit grateful that Rae had told them for me, so I wouldn't have to go through that again.

They just came over and joined our hug. Finally we broke apart and thanked them each for coming and then went and sat down again. Silence filled the room, I looked down at Grace and grabbed her hand again.

"It's just so unbelievable…how did this happen?" I asked no one in particular, I just saw my friends shaking their heads, trying to understand it all as well.

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It was four days later and I couldn't bare to go back to my house all by myself and not expect to have a break down about every half hour so I was staying at Rae's house. Time passed in weird ways over the last couple of days. At times it would go so fast that I feared I was going to be left behind and with nowhere to go. But then at times like this, it went so incredibly slow that it seemed that I was going to be stuck in this phase of my life for forever.

Rae and I sat on the couch one afternoon after she got back from school, cause I was in no shape to go back. We were watching some random show that I had never heard about or cared about when the door bell sounded. Rae got up from the couch and went to answer the door.

I laid back down and heard a muffle of voices coming from the entry way and soon grew louder as they made their way to the room in which I was in. I looked to see who entered and saw my Aunt Dawn, my only living relative. I gave a little shriek, jumped off the couch and ran to give her a huge hug.

I could see the tears building up in her eyes, which in turn got me teary eyed as well. We just stood there holding each other and crying. I knew my family's death would affect her very much, because she was my Dad's only sister.

I thanked her over and over again for coming, cause for the first time in three days I didn't feel so alone. She sat me down on the couch and just gave a big sigh and looked at me.

She raised her hand and stroked my cheek and brushing the tears from my cheeks and said, "Oh Izzy…what are we going to do with you?"

I gave her a high hearted shrug and a forced smile, "I have no idea…"

"Well… how about you go get cleaned up and I'll make you some grilled cheese and then we'll talk, alright?"

I nodded again and headed for Rae's room to grab some clothes. I walked to her bathroom and looked into the mirror and saw a broken girl. My face was unusually pale and my hair seemed to be even more lifeless than ever before. My eyes were red and puffy from crying my eyes out the past few days. I quickly turned away and striped my clothes off and jumped into the shower.

I tried to relax my aching body and empty out my mind of everything that was going on. It seemed impossible, I kept on having memories of my parents or my brother or sister come up. I felt myself starting to break down again, I just felt so angry.

Questions flooded my mind, why was I the one left behind? Why did God have to take them all away from me? Especially all at once…that was just cruel. Why couldn't I have told them all I loved them just once last time. Had another x box completion with my brother, ask for advice from my mom, or get teased from my dad? It just seemed all so unfair, to them, to their friends, and to me.

Another memory popped into my mind of a night a couple weeks back when my soccer team lost in the championship game because of a pk the referee gave the other team off a bogus call for them to win the game. I was complaining to him that night about how unfair it was and he told me his infamous line of "Life's not fare, and you just have to deal the best with what is given to you."

His words struck a cord in me, usually when he delivered this line I would just roll my eyes and just continue onward with my point about how life was out to get me. But now, it really is true, life is unfair, there was nothing I could do to change that and I just have to deal with what's been dealt to me.

Yes, I still deeply miss my parents and brother, and hopefully my sister will make it through so I won't have to lose her as well, but this tragic event has happened to me, there's no going back so I just have to deal the best I can with it.

I turned off the shower, dried myself off and got dressed. The last couple days I hadn't put much thought in what was going on, so I took my time getting ready. I blow dried my hair, and put on some mascara. I went back to Rae's room and found some clothes that weren't wrinkly and put them on. I looked back into the mirror, I still saw a girl who was broken but she looked different, a bit older maybe and seemed to have some more life in her.

I went back down stairs to the kitchen to find Dawn. I entered and found her sitting at the table with a glass of water just starring off into space. I saw my grilled cheese in front of the chair across from her so I went and sat down. I started eating, which drew her from her phase and she smiled sadly at me.

"You look better Iz"

"Thanks, I guess" I replied

""So Iz, as you know we need to plan the funeral. I have done majority of it, we just need to pick a day."

"How bout this Friday? So it would be a week since…" I trailed off not being able to finish.

"Alight, three days isn't much, but it works. Iz, is there anything that you specially want to happen? I have you parents will, so there instructions in there of what to do, but what do you want?"

I thought about this, what I wanted wasn't possible, so I would just have to settle for the next best. "Whatever they wanted is what I want" I whispered back.

"Ok sounds good, and Iz, I don't know if this is the best time, but do you want to talk about where your going to live?"

I thought about it and was pretty sure what the answer was to that question, so I just nodded.

"Well, in your parents will, they gave custody to me, so after this is done we can stay for a few day but then you'll have to come back with me to Alaska."

I felt the tears gather in my eyes, and fought them so they wouldn't fall. I didn't want to hurt Dawns feelings by making her think that I didn't want to live with her. It was just that , I just didn't want to leave my home or friends. Definitely not my friends, I had no idea what I would do without Rae, David and Lauren. "Iz, its okay to cry, I understand." She came over to my side of the table and enveloped me into a hug and rocked me till my tears were dried up.

"I'm sorry" I got out between my sobs, "I do want to live with you, its just…it just I don't want to leave."

"It's alright, I know, I know." She brought her hand up to my face and brushed my tears away. "We can sort out the details when your ready." She kissed my head and took my now empty plate and went to the sink.

I just watched my Aunt and remembered that she had gone through the same thing before.

She is my Dads twin, they lost their parents when they were twenty, and she also lost her husband when he died overseas in the Iraq war.

"Dawn?" I called out to her as she started to leave the kitchen. She stopped and turned to face me, "It does get easier right?"

She just looked at me for a second and walked toward me again. "Of course Izzy it does. It just takes a whole lot of hurt to get there." She paused for a second, "The way I think of it is that all those days in the future when we won't be thinking of them we are just paying the price now. So that one day you will be able to wake up and start your day without a thought of them. But for now, you just gotta hold on tight and deal with it. I know how bad that sounds, but its true"

I nodded again, "And do you ever feel the same again?"

She just smiled sympathetically at me, "I know you feel so alone right now Iz, and think that nothing will ever be right. But things turn around eventually. Just remember you've got me and all your friends here to help. Don't shut yourself in, reach out. I know its hard, but trust me, it makes all the difference."

* * *

okay... sorry for such a long break, ive been busy with college aps and school and life.. so heres what i got and PLEASE let me know what you think.. i love all comments, even if you think i suck i would love to hear that so i can change things. So plaese let me know what you think!!!


	5. Chapter 5

The remainder of the week flew by and Friday came all too soon for me. Rae had taken me shopping Thursday night to find a dress which was the first time I had been out of the house in days. Thankfully we didn't run into anyone we knew because I didn't want to have to explain where I had been the past week. I had settled on a dress quickly and found shoes.

We stopped by my favorite Mexican shop for dinner, hung out a bit and then went back to her house. I was still staying with her, not wanting to go back to my house again by myself and Dawn was staying in a hotel. We reached her room and decided on a movie and cuddled up on her bed to watch it. Rae fell asleep during the movie and I wasn't really paying attention in the first place but my mind began to wander, which is always a bad thing.

And during this wandering time I realized that I was leaving soon. I looked down at Rae and all around her room. I saw pictures of us from elementary school and all the way till now, every milestone and crazy adventure we had gone through it together, and now? What now? I was moving to Alaska whether I wanted to or not because I wasn't 18 yet, but what will happen to my life? How was I suppose to find another Rae? Granted no one could ever replace her but still… I would need someone to turn to in Alaska and Rae won't be there.

My mind continued down this road, trying to imagine myself in Alaska. It seemed like it would be a whole different world. My heart ached in my chest when I reminded myself why I would have to be going through with this. I didn't want to cry anymore, but the tears still leaked out. I quietly got out of bed and headed to the bathroom so I didn't wake up Rae. I just sat on the toilet and let it out. After a good ten minutes I calmed myself down. I blew my nose and started to head back to Rae's room when an idea struck me. I quickly found some paper and a pen and went downstairs to the family room and began to write.

I stayed up for the next couple hours writing letters to everyone I loved that I would be leaving behind. To those few people who impacted my life so much that I had no idea what I would of done without them. I wrote to Rae, Lauren and David. To their parents who always put up with our crazy antics. And last of all to my parents, brother and sister. It sounds weird, but I have always found that the best listener was paper. So I spilled my heart out to each one of them, and found that when I was done I felt better. I pulled myself of the couch and headed to Rae's room again and climbed back into bed and closed my eyes, and drifted off into dream land the remainder of the night.

I got up the next morning feeling like crap, the effect of my last night's "brilliance", and headed to the bathroom to shower. I knew that today was the big day, but no matter how much I was dreading it, I knew that deep down inside of me, I knew that I had to go through it. I took my time getting ready, blow-drying my hair and curling the ends. I did my makeup light, with waterproof mascara of course, and finally pulled on my dress toping it with a black cardigan and black flats.

I made my way down stairs and into the kitchen where I found Rae and her family. Her mom was making pancakes and eggs while Rae and her dad were sitting at the table eating. The room filled with an awkward silence, but only because everyone knows what going on but no one knows what to say. So I greeted everyone the best I could and made my way over to the table to get food. I was saved from the awkward conversations by the door bell, which made everyone resume what they were doing before I came in. Rae's mom came back from answering the door followed by Dawn. I got up and gave her a hug and gave her the best smile I could come up with.

"How are you dear?" She asked. I just shrugged and sighed, leaving her to shake her head because she hated when I did that.

"Dawn, would you like something to eat?" questioned Rae's mom

"No thanks, I'll pass" she answered but sat down at the table next to me.

I continued to eat, but not that much because I didn't feel hungry. The time soon came when we had to start heading to the cemetery. I rushed back up stairs to grab my letter and then meet Dawn in her rental car. We drove in silence to the cemetery that wasn't that far away. We pulled into a parking space and as I started to get out Dawn stopped me.

"Liz…I know that right now you feel lost and alone, but just remember what I told you. You've got me and all your friends here to help. And I know with Grace on the edge, things aren't great."She wiped away her tears that brimmed her eyes and tucked apiece of my hair behind my ear. "Honey, I know that today is going to be tough, but just get through today and then things will start to look up. But I want you to know that I am so proud of you and I love you very much." She kissed my forehead and smiled kindly at me.

I brushed away my tears that had started to fall yet again and returned the smile. She pulled out a box a box that I hadn't seen in the car. She pulled out a corsage made of an iris with baby's breath all around it. She pinned it on to my dress and told me to come out when I was ready. She got out of the car and headed off to the site where all the guest were standing.

I took a few moments and just rested my head on the headrest taking deep breaths, preparing myself for what was outside the car. I knew there was no way around it, so I griped my letter and opened the door.

I stepped out of the car and head toward the site of the burial. As I entered the area the sound hushed and I looked around me, everyone was looking at me with somber eyes that help nothing but pity and sadness. Many of the people I did not know, distant friends I'm sure. I went to the front row and took the first seat, the one for immediate family, one seat would be enough cause I was the only one left.

As I sat down the memories came so fast, I wasn't ready for them. I remembered their faces, the voices, emotions, all at once. I shut my eyes as to try to erase what I was seeing, what I was feeling, trying not to remember, today of all days, of what had exactly happened, I just wanted to put my family to rest. Because that in itself was going to bring enough pain as it was, I didn't need anything else. The bells rang to signal the ceremony was going to start, and I started to panic, and felt my eyes starting to already fill with tears. It couldn't be starting, because that would mean that it was actually true.

It was one of those moments that I wished with all that I had left that I would and could wake up from this nightmare of what my life had become. The tears were coming fast now, pouring down my checks, surly ruining my make-up. My body started to convulse with my silent sobs as I tried to comprehend what my life had come to. I hunched over in the chair, resting my elbows on my knees, staring at the ground, tears rolling down my flushed cheeks, trying to for the umpteenth time to understand it all. But nothing came because to me none of this could be true. I was not the sole survivor of my family. I was not going to bury them today. They were not dead.

So it was all a dream right?

I felt a tap on my shoulder and looked up to see a little girl there holding my letter.

"Excuse me, but you dropped this" She said in a sweet voice. She had the cutest blonde hair filled with ringlets pulled back with a headband.

"Thank you" I replied the best I could wiping the tears out of my eyes.

She looked at me funny and asked, "Are you alight?"

It was such a shocking question because in the past week no one had actually asked me that. Yet here is the darling little girl, whom I don't know asking me a question that should have been asked. But when I really thought about it, and asked myself, was I alright? And would I ever be alright again? Before I could answer her, her mom came over to her and pulled her way from me telling her not to run off again. The little girl struck a chord in me that I found odd. I looked around trying to find her again, but stopped when my eyes rested on the three caskets a lined in a row off to the side. Everything just kinda faded out as I focused in on those three wooden boxes that contained the ones I loved dearly and symbolized how my life had been turned upside down.

I faintly recognized that Dawn had sat next to me and that the ceremony had started. I willed myself to focus on what the pastor was saying. He was recapping my parents and brothers life, all of which I already knew and what people here probably already knew. Because people can know facts but not emotions. I made my mind up there that I wanted to speak. I was scared as shit, but I knew that it would help and that it was the right thing to do.

I tapped Dawn on the shoulder and told her. She looked shocked to say the least, but I believe began to understand. She told me there would be an open session at the end for people to speak and I could go up and talk. So the ceremony wore on, but I didn't pay attention. I was shifting through my mind trying to find something worth speaking about. I decided that there was too much to say and I would most likely never get a quarter of it out before I broke down.

I quickly came up with something and heard that the pastor was opening up the microphone. I looked around and say that no one had stood up yet to say anything so I just thought, 'Now or never,' took a deep breath and stood up.

I walked shakily up to the podium and put the unopened letter and set it flat against the board just in case I felt like reading it. I drew in a shaky breath and started.

"Hi, I'm Lizzy. The only thing that I can say that could describe my parents is that they are… were amazing. My Dad always teased me about my blondness that I somehow inherited from parents who had red and black hair. He always expected the best from us and was disappointed if we didn't reach his expectations, but loved us all the same. My Mom…was my best friend. The many times that we would disagree on grades, classes, chores, or curfews never over rid that fact." I felt the tears starting to pick up at the corners of my eyes. I couldn't cry, I had to say me piece. I knew that once I broke I would probably lose it, so I continued.

"They supported me in anything and everything that I wanted to do regardless if they thought I was spreading myself to thin between all the different activities I did. They loved me for my strengths and my weaknesses. The fact that I hardly ever gave more than one word answers to all their questions or that I procrastinated at everything I did." I felt a single tear fall down my cheek recalling our many conversations that regarded this topic. I quickly brushed it away and tried to pull myself together.

"They pushed me to do my very best and made sure that I only got the best. They trusted me and guided me and made me the person that I am today." The tears finally broke through as I remembered my brother. "And Sean…" I looked over to where the caskets laid and brought my hand to my mouth to stop the deep throaty sobs from coming out. I took a few deep breaths, and heard sniffles coming from the crowd. I looked down at Dawn and she gave me a nod and a sad smile, encouraging me to continue on.

"And Sean… my goofball of a brother who had his own way of doing carrying out projects that never failed to surprise anyone." I let out a small chuckle remembering the time when he and I were little and we walked his pet turtle around a block because he was convinced it was getting fat.

"Sean never seemed to look at the dark side of life, but always the bright. He could always make my day with anyone of his impersonations or jokes. He kept me from falling into that darkness so many times, but yet he is gone. And it just doesn't seem fair." I brushed the tears that continued to fall and looked around the area. "And one last thing I have to read." I flipped over the letter and drew out a poem that I had found earlier that week and started.

_When monsters lurked beneath my bead,_

_And scary dreams ran through my head,_

_When thunder growled those sounds I dread,_

_There you were, my father._

_When scuffed-up knees made me cry,_

_Soft hankies dried my sad eyes dry,_

_Coaxing me each time I tried,_

_There you were, my mother._

_Who held my hand when I was __scared,_

_Ate the candy that he should have shared,_

_The things I did because he dared!_

_There you were, my brother._

_In times of trouble, times of need,_

_I felt such strength surrounding me,_

_Without their love I will try to succeed,_

_I love you all my family._

-Lisa-Dawn Bertolla

"Thank you everyone for showing up, I know they appreciate it." I walked back to my seat and sat down. I felt Dawn wrap an arm around me, and I leaned into her embrace. The pastor was finishing up the ceremony but I tuned it all out and getting lost in my memories.

I felt a little while later Dawn starting to stand. I started to focus back to the present. People started walking to the caskets and we followed them. Dawn took my hand and folded to through her arm, and guided me to the front. The priest did his final blessing and then they started lowering the casket into the ground. I buried me head into Dawns shoulder, and just let the remainder of the tears and pain come through me. No matter how much I was feeling better after a week or speaking and no matter how much I thought I was somewhat alright. The sight of my parents and brother being lowered into the ground was enough to shatter that resolve into a million pieces, and three times over for each time. Leaving nothing but raw pain.


End file.
